A Cautionary “Valentine” for the Married Man
Men from Mars? Women, Venus?
Heed the wisdom of this genus:
Men of charm and of distinction
Are surely destined for extinction!
You are sports! You are handsome!
You are clever, smooth and then some.
Yet while it’s true you may be dashing,
We oft times find our genders clashing.
Femmes have style! Femmes have talent!
When first we met you were so gallant.
But men of charm and of distinction
Seem fated, sadly, to extinction.
To prove your good and true intentions,
Bestow on us your fond attentions.
You’re fair and just and never biased
So praise our virtues to the highest!
We must insist, our hands be kissed,
Our many whims be humored.
You men of charms and of distinctions
Should be not just a rumor.
Purchase Gucci bags and jewels,
And throw your coats on muddy pools.
Do not botch or flub or bungle,
We’re not some famous football fumble!
Take a blind eye to our flaws,
Avoid a stare at our slack jaws.
If our hips now fit plus sizes
Your big, fat stomachs are no prizes!
Never gape at other babes.
That poor behavior won’t get raves.
If you’re so inclined for avarice
Beware; you may become cadaverous!
Middle Eastern torture tactics
Will be applied for tacky antics.
A bed of nails or shackled wrists
Are not beyond our bag of tricks!
Do not belch or bleat or bloat.
We did not marry some old goat!
if you cheat you just must stop it!
Do you remember Mrs. Bobbit?
So, prove you’re worthy of our choices
Or you will hear shrill female voices.
Promise that you’ll woo us well,
And place us on a pedestal!
Keep your sense of humor sharp
Amusing us is very smart.
Flirty conversation’s quite a delight,
Look! Flowers, dinner rule the night.
Our men of charm and of distinction
Have not yet plunged into extinction.
Where’s our hero? Why the fuss?
You’re right here . . . making eyes at us!
~ Selma Savitz
